So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
