I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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