Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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