I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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