All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
