Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
