Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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