my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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