so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
