I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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