eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
