cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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