I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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