Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
