first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
