Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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