I feel like abortions should bother me more
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
