Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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