Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
