I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
