this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
