he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
