i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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