did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
