How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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