Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
wow bdsm is so cute
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
