I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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