I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
