Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
