hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
