you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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