because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
