I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
