K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
