I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i think i just lost a toe
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
