Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
false alarm, still single
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
