I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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