its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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