My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
