Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
