i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
