So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
