I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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