It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
