Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
