Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
