Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
