you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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