I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
And then he peed in my hair
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