The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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