They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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