I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
