Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
