note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
