felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How does it feel to date your dad?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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