Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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