When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
