yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
