did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
