i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
