New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
