white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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