yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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