Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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