Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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