11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
