Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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