I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
