she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
