I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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