walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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