Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
