ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
