Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
