I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I want a musical about memes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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