Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
